Through the Eyes of a Widow

Grief Diaries

Collateral blessings, a term describing something good that results from something bad.

Today marks the release of the 35th book bearing my name. A book filled with stories by widows who share their own personal insight into the unspoken challenges of losing a husband, and the emotional, mental and social shifts she’s forced to reckon with in the aftermath.

I didn’t lose a husband, but I lost a child. Our daughter Aly.

As I fought to restore balance to my world, I found comfort in stories by those who walked before me. They gave me hope.

Grief Diaries was born and built on this belief. By leaning on and learning from one another, our stories become a lifeline in a griefphobic society.

Each book offers family and friends a better understanding of why their loved one acts the way they do.

Scholars and clinicians learn from the rich spectrum of unfiltered narrations by people from all backgrounds.

When I lost Aly, I didn’t set out to do anything other than breathe. The collateral blessing is that her death led to something far bigger than either her or me. It birthed a village of people brave enough to share the truths of their loss—and what hope means to them today.

I will celebrate right after I blow my nose.

Lynda Cheldelin Fell  XOXO

Grief Diaries

Why Katy Perry got it wrong

Lauren Engle
Dear Katy Perry,
 
I know you meant well, but last night you got it wrong.
 
You told 27-year-old American Idol contestant Lauren Engle to be strong after she auditioned in memory of her husband.
 
Why does she need to be strong?
 
The poor girl is grieving her husband who has been dead less than two years.
 
Grieving the past and fearing the future, Lauren is doing her best just to get out of bed each morning.
 
You telling her to be strong is holding her down. It’s the same as telling her not to be a wimp. To quit crying. Don’t be a baby.
 
It’s sucking her hope up in a vacuum.
 
I know you meant well, Katy, but would you tell the families who lost a loved one in the New Zealand shooting to be strong?
 
Of course not.
 
Find that contestant, wrap your arms around her, and tell her that one day it won’t always feel so raw. But until then, it’s okay to cry.
 
Shared sorrow is half a sorrow—Finnish proverb. It means to support someone in their time of need. Because that gives them hope. It helps them go from zero to being their own hero.
 
With support and love, one day Lauren will be her own champion. Please don’t rob her of that opportunity.
 
Thank you.

Lynda Cheldelin Fell  XOXO

Lauren Engle